My love for Sange And Yasha

For those who are close to me, they'd know who Sange and Yasha means to me. For those who knows not, it's not only an item you use in the game of Dota but instead it is the acrostic for SY which stands for Su Ying. She's a girl who I really love and I still do somehow.

We began as just friends which was such a rare thing to me. The usual girls that I would fall for are girls who are those who I fall for at first sight. I began liking her during the beginning of this year. Eventually my liking turned into love for her. I feel close when I'm with her and perhaps for the first time a girl could actually make me toss and turn in bed thinking bout the things she said when she told me goodbye which happened many times.

Sadly she said goodbye today again but somehow I felt it was the last one. My feelings just felt really sad at first. I tossed and I turned and here I am writing this the night just before my exam (suddenly amelia is in this for no apparent reason) when I haven't covered all my topics. My feelings as usual, just changed from negative to positive when it comes to her. I usually would laugh and meet her up and somehow manage to get things back and be close to her again. This time my feelings are just like how a husband feels when his wife is outstation working and had to leave but somehow he knows she'll return.

Call it wishful thinking but I feel that way. I feel hurt now at the same time I feel hopeful, wishing that she'll be back someday. Somehow I have a vision of a future with this girl and she and I talked bout it and it's really nice and sweet. So here I end to just let all my feelings run and saying whatever I feel inside as she's not there to hear me out. Warm hugs~

Keems~

Amnesia is just for old people

The journey back from Kampar which took 2 hours felt like it was forever when I drove back today. As the road stretches out to the horizon, many things were on my mind which made me felt the utter most bitterness in my feelings. All the sad things and the bad things that were happening recently really took the best out of me leaving me feeling weak and sad.

It's hard for me to really cry. I could fake tears but to really cry, I somehow couldn't do it. So I turn to repression which is a term in psychology that means putting all the unwanted thoughts into the unconscious mind. In other words, forgetting it and keeping it in the heart. However, I felt the full blow of my unhappiness gushing through my feelings during my drive today. Perhaps it was because of my solo journey this time.

I actually felt like crying as what seemed like nightmares were so real and I couldn't just wake up and forget bout them. I guess forgetting and avoiding is not an option in life. I hope my friends and readers will take me for an example to not avoid and forget but to face our problems in life and if tears are at bay, let them flow. I'm sure that will make you feel better.

I wish my dilemma ends soon... ~Warm Hugs~

~keems~