Change of mood, change of heart

It has been very abstract lately... My mind has been dwelling in solemness and many other emotions that I've never felt before in my life. I feel cared, not wanted at the same time, I feel respected yet betrayed and loathed at the same time. It all comes to me at a sudden till the extend I don't feel that I'm being myself lately.

As I am putting down my feelings into words, I listen to the song ''who's theme'' by Nujabes sang by Minmi... I feel carefree when I hear this song. When I knew the meaning of the song, it dawned to me why it really made me feel carefree. I feel the sense of becoming like the wind. Just like the wind, it comes by and caresses the face and goes by without lingering for a long time.

I feel my existence is just like the wind. I come, I make people laugh and happy and my purpose is done. The feeling of becoming the wind has left me feeling of leaving all earthly emotions behind and just become one with the wind, being carefree and not held back from wandering to distant places.

Tsuretette
take me

Anatawo basho e
to where you are

Kaze ni nate
becoming the wind

Iki wo hisomete
holding my breath

Tsuretette
take me

Anata wa doko e
where are you going

Toki wo ko e
surpassing time

kokoro hodoite
untying the spirit

yureru hidamari
the swaying spot of sunlight

shiroku tooku
white and far away

ate mo shi ranai
aimlessly

kioku hodoku
untying the memory

kaoru himawari
fragrant sunflower

imadana ni chiranai
the petals that still don't fall

kinaga ni
patiently

oshiete yo
tell me

subette wo shitte shimau fuan
the unease of knowing everything

na noni naze shiritaku naze
then why do i want to know?

yuragu omoi yo
my swaying feelings

haru natsu aki fuyu kanadete
perform the spring, summer fall and winter

asu wo yuku tabi tsumikasanate
everytime tomorrow comes, gathering

kidzukeba anata to yume no hate made
when i notice i'm at the end of my dreams with you

tsuretette
take me

anata wo basho e
where you are going

kaze ni nate
becoming the wind

iki wo hisomete
holding my breath

tsuretette
take me

anata wa doko e
where are you going?

toki wo ko e
beyond time

kokoro hodoite
untying the spirit

The song has a very unique tune to it that makes me feel really relaxed just like the wind breezing through the plains. My heart feels very light and not weary anymore somehow and troubles seem to not bother me anymore. warm hugs~

~keems~

My love for Sange And Yasha

For those who are close to me, they'd know who Sange and Yasha means to me. For those who knows not, it's not only an item you use in the game of Dota but instead it is the acrostic for SY which stands for Su Ying. She's a girl who I really love and I still do somehow.

We began as just friends which was such a rare thing to me. The usual girls that I would fall for are girls who are those who I fall for at first sight. I began liking her during the beginning of this year. Eventually my liking turned into love for her. I feel close when I'm with her and perhaps for the first time a girl could actually make me toss and turn in bed thinking bout the things she said when she told me goodbye which happened many times.

Sadly she said goodbye today again but somehow I felt it was the last one. My feelings just felt really sad at first. I tossed and I turned and here I am writing this the night just before my exam (suddenly amelia is in this for no apparent reason) when I haven't covered all my topics. My feelings as usual, just changed from negative to positive when it comes to her. I usually would laugh and meet her up and somehow manage to get things back and be close to her again. This time my feelings are just like how a husband feels when his wife is outstation working and had to leave but somehow he knows she'll return.

Call it wishful thinking but I feel that way. I feel hurt now at the same time I feel hopeful, wishing that she'll be back someday. Somehow I have a vision of a future with this girl and she and I talked bout it and it's really nice and sweet. So here I end to just let all my feelings run and saying whatever I feel inside as she's not there to hear me out. Warm hugs~

Keems~

Amnesia is just for old people

The journey back from Kampar which took 2 hours felt like it was forever when I drove back today. As the road stretches out to the horizon, many things were on my mind which made me felt the utter most bitterness in my feelings. All the sad things and the bad things that were happening recently really took the best out of me leaving me feeling weak and sad.

It's hard for me to really cry. I could fake tears but to really cry, I somehow couldn't do it. So I turn to repression which is a term in psychology that means putting all the unwanted thoughts into the unconscious mind. In other words, forgetting it and keeping it in the heart. However, I felt the full blow of my unhappiness gushing through my feelings during my drive today. Perhaps it was because of my solo journey this time.

I actually felt like crying as what seemed like nightmares were so real and I couldn't just wake up and forget bout them. I guess forgetting and avoiding is not an option in life. I hope my friends and readers will take me for an example to not avoid and forget but to face our problems in life and if tears are at bay, let them flow. I'm sure that will make you feel better.

I wish my dilemma ends soon... ~Warm Hugs~

~keems~

Cloudy Day in Paradise

To some, Kampar is just another small town with lots of townfolks who are not influenced by the hustle bustle of the city. In other words, 'ulu'. For me, Kampar is a paradise with it's own sense of beauty and uniqueness which is to be explored.

One of the uniqueness of Kampar is it's weather. One can say that Kampar's weather can be in comparison with mood swings. It's sunny and bright in the morning, hot in the afternoon and during the evening, heavy downpours shower the hot earth.

My point is, what makes the weather similar to mood swings is that in the day, it's bright and beautiful and when it's in the evening, it rains heavily making it dark and gloomy. Same goes for a person who has mood swings, feeling happy at first and suddenly turning sad. However, for Kampar, it's beauty remains the same whether rain or shine. It's just that the scenery is different but still breath-taking. Same goes to people who have mood swings.

Don't judge anyone who has mood swings. Deep down, they are still beautiful. If they can be beautiful when they are happy, why aren't they be beautiful when they are sad? Underneath it all, they are still the same person.

I had a rough day recently in Kampar. My day began with a happy morning, full of hope but unfortunately my mood went down the drain in the afternoon when many things did not work out. When the rain poured, it made me even more sad and unhappy. However things did not turn bad and it made a drastic change that night as there were people who still sees the best in me when I'm down.

Just like the weather, no matter how bad and gloomy it can be, the sun will come out and shine once more. Happiness will come, soon enough. Till happiness comes, friends are the stars that shines brightly for you till the sun comes out.

Wouldn't you be happy when the stars are shining brightly just for you? I know I would. :)

~keems~

Chapter 1

Put yourself in someone else's shoes. I guess many have heard this idiom before, but how many actually, did put themselves into other's shoes? Life, has always been a two way situation but as humans, we only look out for the benefits of our own, thus having only a one way perspective. Perhaps love is the answer to this. Like the song goes,

"What the world needs now is love sweet love,
It's the only thing that theres just to little of,
What the world needs now is love sweet love,
No, not just for some but for everyone".

Love is really lacking in our world and without love we are all selfish and inconsiderate. Perhaps, with a little help to spread love, little by little will people cherish and think of others. I use Inmyshoes to begin writing down what I'm feeling and doing so that others can know my love for them as well as the love that I would like to share. Thanks for reading.

Warm Hugs~
~keems~